Maternal Rupture: Trauma, Inequality, and the Making of the “Good Enough Mother”

Guest Insight

By Naseem Sarbatta-Walia

The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.

William Ross Wallace, 1865

Maternal relationships shape not only an individual’s psychological development but also the social worlds we build around us. Yet for many women, particularly those in seldom reached communities and structurally disadvantaged groups, the capacity to mother safely and consistently is limited by trauma, inequality, and systemic neglect. This article examines the psychological, cultural, and structural forces that contribute to maternal rupture, and reflects on therapeutic work with clients navigating the consequences of these early fractures.

Drawing on clinical experience, theory, and a detailed case study, the discussion considers how maternal rupture emerges in therapy, how it intersects with social mobility and gendered harm, and what practitioners must consider when supporting clients whose earliest attachments were shaped by instability, fear, or betrayal.

Maternal Rupture in Therapeutic Practice

Maternal rupture frequently surfaces in therapy, even when it is not the presenting issue. Grief from miscarriage, parental inadequacy, postnatal depression, disrupted childhood relationships, and attachment injuries can re-emerge years or generations later. Clients often project unresolved maternal dynamics onto the therapist, a process Freud described as transference (Freud, 1912/1958).

This moment can be transformative, offering the possibility of relational repair, or it can feel overwhelming, leading some clients to withdraw. For practitioners, recognising maternal transference is essential to maintaining emotional safety, attunement, and therapeutic momentum.

When the Nurturer Causes Harm

For many clients, the greatest source of confusion and shame is when the person expected to protect them becomes a source of harm. This is particularly acute when mothers deny or minimise their child’s abuse. As Herman (1992) notes, the result is not only betrayal but internalised shame, leaving the child doubting both the reality of the abuse and their right to safety.

Clinical work often reveals intergenerational trauma: “My experience of client work often demonstrates intergenerational trauma, with many mothers normalising harms due to their own fears of disrepute or repercussions.”

In honour-based abuse, these dynamics can be fatal. The murder of Shafilea Ahmed in 2003, carried out by both parents, illustrates how perceived dishonour can override maternal instinct. Professor (Hon) Roxanne Khan’s book – The Psychology of Honor Abuse, Violence and Killing(2024) –  highlights how women and girls are often both enforcers and victims of honour systems. In practice, I have also worked with families where killings were committed to “restore” honour, leaving mothers grieving the futures their daughters were denied.

The Mother Archetype and Gendered Expectations

Jung’s mother archetype captures both the nurturing and shadow aspects of maternal identity (Jung, 1959). Many clients describe oscillating between these poles: a mother who is warm when they comply, and punitive or absent when they assert autonomy. This duality is particularly evident in cases of child sexual abuse or honour‑based abuse, where maternal behaviour is contingent on the child’s conformity.

Freud’s theories, including the Oedipus and Electra complexes, often pathologised women and failed to account for the social realities of mothering (Freud, 1910/1957). His comparison of mothers to sex workers in A Special Type of Choice of Object Made by Men reinforces the enduring Madonna-Whore dichotomy. Contemporary misogynistic online spaces, such as the No Mercy channel on Steam, which celebrated violence against women, demonstrate how patriarchal narratives continue to distort and diminish maternal roles (Jane, 2014).

Intergenerational Struggles and the Burden of Maternal Blame

A recurring question from young people is: “Why did my mother not leave?” The answer is rarely simple. Across cultures, mothers are held responsible for every aspect of family functioning, from their children’s behaviour to the actions of abusive partners. (Featherstone et al., 2018). Child protection systems often focus on the mother’s capacity to leave, even when doing so may expose her to greater danger (Meyer, 2025).

Maslow’s (1943) Hierarchy of Needs reminds us that a mother struggling to meet her own basic needs, including housing, safety, and financial stability, is unlikely to provide consistent nurture. Cases such as Surjit Kaur Athwal, murdered by her husband and mother-in-law in 1998, illustrate how immigration precarity and patriarchal control can trap women in life threatening situations.

Complex Trauma, Domestic Abuse, and Systemic Failure

Exposure to domestic abuse is now legally recognised as child abuse under Section 3 of the Domestic Abuse Act (2021). Children who witness or are impacted by abuse are victims in their own right (UK Government, 2021). Yet systemic failures persist. The deaths of Victoria Climbié in 2000 and Sara Sharif in 2023 highlight how cultural assumptions and professional hesitancy can obscure clear signs of harm.

Research shows that girls who witness maternal victimisation often normalise abusive relationships, while boys may internalise harmful scripts around masculinity and power (Radford & Hester, 2006). These patterns reinforce adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and perpetuate generational trauma (Felitti et al., 1998).

Projection, Gendered Harm, and Emotional Ambivalence

Projection is central to maternal rupture. Many daughters become emotional scapegoats for their mothers’ unprocessed trauma (Benjamin, 1998). When children assume caregiving roles due to parental addiction, illness, or trauma, the emotional burden is immense.

“My work with young carers evidenced the adverse childhood experiences and ruptures that adultification poses for some carers.”

Therapy often involves helping clients reconcile love and resentment, loyalty and self-protection. Sometimes reconciliation with the mother is impossible, and recognising this reality can itself be healing.

Homelessness, Trauma, and Hidden Victims

Unresolved trauma significantly increases the risk of homelessness, particularly for women affected by sexual violence. Oasis Community Housing (2022) reports that 94 percent of homeless individuals have experienced trauma. Crisis UK (2021) notes that people sleeping rough are:

• 17× more likely to experience violence
• Over 9× more likely to die by suicide
• Women are disproportionately affected but often hidden from statistics

The experiences of homeless women, many of whom are mothers, highlight a broader truth: maternal rupture is not only emotional but deeply systemic. When women cannot access safe housing, mental health support, or economic stability, the conditions for nurturing are fundamentally compromised.

This intersection of trauma, immigration precarity, and structural invisibility is tragically illustrated in the case of Harshita Brella, whose body was found in the boot of a car in Ilford, east London, in November 2024. Having recently moved to the UK after her arranged marriage, she was dependent on her husband and had limited access to support. Two months before her death, she reported domestic abuse; a Domestic Violence Protection Order was issued but later expired, and several officers are now under investigation for their handling of her case.

Her story demonstrates how dependency, coercive control, and systemic gaps can converge with fatal consequences, reinforcing that maternal rupture is inseparable from the structural conditions that shape women’s lives.

Therapeutic Repair: Clarkson’s Five Relationship Model

Clarkson’s (2003) Five Relationship Model offers a powerful framework for working with maternal rupture:

1. Working Alliance – establishing safety and shared goals, which can be especially challenging in communities where mental health is stigmatised.
2. Transferential Relationship – recognising maternal projections and reenactments.
3. Reparative Relationship – offering compassion and a corrective emotional experience.
4. Person-to Person-Relationship – authentic human connection beyond theory.
5. Transpersonal Relationship – deeper meaning making, sometimes spiritual.

One client believed that becoming pregnant, and thus gaining social care attention, was the answer to her prayer for safety. This illustrates how maternal identity can become entangled with survival strategies.

Case Study: Ria – An Integrated, Trauma‑Informed Approach

Ria entered therapy with severe psychological distress (CORE 10 score: 32). Her difficulties followed a sexual assault and were compounded by developmental trauma, including domestic abuse, parental alcoholism, and a sibling’s suicide attempt.

The therapeutic work integrated Person-Centred Therapy, Attachment Theory, trauma psychoeducation, and cultural analysis. Establishing safety was prioritised, recognising that maternal rupture had left Ria without a secure base.

Psychoeducation, using the window of tolerance, fight or flight or freeze responses, and Siegel’s hand model, helped her reframe trauma reactions as adaptive rather than shameful. Person Centred conditions enabled her to externalise betrayal and grieve the absence of maternal protection.

Exploring intergenerational and cultural dynamics allowed Ria to contextualise her mother’s behaviour without minimising her own pain. As her stability increased, the work shifted toward narrative reconstruction and post traumatic growth. Her decision to pursue nursing symbolised agency and future orientation.

Her CORE 10 score reduced from 32 (severe) to 8 (low), with improvements in emotional regulation, self-compassion, and relational functioning. The case underscores the transformative potential of relational safety and attuned therapeutic presence.

Conclusion: Who Shapes the Hand That Rocks the Cradle?

If the hand that rocks the cradle shapes the world, we must ask: what shapes that hand? Maternal capacity is not forged in isolation. It is continually shaped, and often constrained, by the social, cultural, and economic conditions surrounding women’s lives. Gender inequality, immigration precarity, poverty, community expectations, and the weight of intergenerational trauma all interact to determine whether a mother can access safety, stability, and support. These forces do not simply influence parenting; they contour a woman’s sense of agency, her ability to protect herself, and her capacity to protect her children.

Understanding maternal rupture therefore requires an intersectional lens, one that recognises how structural pressures and cultural narratives converge to limit choices long before a mother enters the therapy room. Supporting mothers means strengthening the systems around them: validating their stories, ensuring their safety, and addressing the inequalities that shape their lives. Only then can they safely cradle the next generation and begin to reclaim their power once again.

Citation: Sarbatta-Walia, N. (2026). Maternal Rupture: Trauma, Inequality, and the Making of the “Good Enough Mother”. onEvidence.

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